so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
