yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i out mim tonsoeep
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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