I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize