after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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