I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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