she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
