so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
