I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize