I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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