idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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