i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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