you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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