I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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