highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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