Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
