I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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