So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
