i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
