Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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