I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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