Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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