i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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