just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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