Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
