He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
