idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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