you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
