When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
