Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
