Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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