And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
