There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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