I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
