Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
