capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
