i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize