its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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