I got chris browned last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
