I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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