she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
