never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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