so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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