Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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