i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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