While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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