I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
barbara walters just said penis...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
