dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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