can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
