One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
