i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
