my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
