I didn't shave. On purpose
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
