She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
