did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
