All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
