i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
