you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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