Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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