Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
