I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
